1) I have had a rather bad break-up with my boyfriend. All in all, he wants to move on completely and says that while he loved me and cared about me at the time of the break-up he simply wasn’t happy anymore and wants to move on to a new city, life etc… We have so financial dealings together but he says he no longer wants to worry about it because keeping in touch about cash isn’t healthy and we both need to move on. He has made it clear that there is no way he would get back into a relationship with me. And of course, after being told this I wrote him an angry email giving him a piece of my mind. While I love him more than life itself and visualize us being together again I must say that I find it very difficult to imagine us together, based on the way he seems to feel (or not feel…) about me. How do I let go of thinking of the outcome when all I can do is think about him and that perhaps he will meet someone else soon, or already has etc….
2) I was told by some people who also follow the LOA methods that manifesting someone specific was not advisable because it was going against the wishes of that said person if that’s not what they wanted anymore. He’s made it very clear that it is not what he wants at all. Am I wrong for wanting the love of my life back and just be given a genuine chance to see if things could work again?

Again, we can only attract that to which we are currently a match, so this means we can’t wait to feel better about our lives until what we want comes. You have to make peace with your single status. You have to start finding ways to feel happy about your life now as it is. This doesn’t mean pretending to like things you don’t, but diligently working on adopting a perspective that actually makes you feel better. It is about focusing on the things in your life that are good, and building on that energy. It is about making time to do things that make you feel good, that help produce the feelings you think you would get from being in a relationship.
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Beyond a  shadow of a doubt I know this to be true — we’ve all set huge spoken and unspoken intentions for love.  We’ve all asked for it.  Know that sometimes love comes in unexpected ways, ways in which our ego’s would say “hey that was horrible.”  But remember that each and every experience is a stepping stone to where you are going.  Ask and it is given.  Stop judging how it’s coming to you, instead know it is and get focused on the hopeful expectation of what life brings when you get our of your own way.
Thanks so much..so glad you liked it. Relationships can be tricky because there is so much emotional charge around them. It is easy to get off track, and you are right, going back to information that reminds us of these truths and helps us refocus is one of the best things we can do. The reinforcement is necessary to help us reprogram because essentially that is what we need to do. For me, there are two things. First, is getting into that space of trust and knowing by looking back on past manifestations. We have a tendency to put more trust in the negative ones and then dismiss the positive ones…which is one of our weird quirks. And I do my best to step back from anything that isn’t making me feel good and just go do something else, like read a book or take a walk.
3. Love without fear of getting hurt. The scariest thing about love is opening yourself up to it. When you open yourself, there's a chance you might get hurt. If you're afraid of getting hurt, you might unconsciously be preventing someone from getting as close to you as you want. Be willing to take the risk and fully open yourself to love. You will manifest the love you want.
Kelley is so positive and inspiring!! I read the whole workbook and now I can't wait to complete the workbook. Best book I've read on love and loa- I can't wait to find my true love!! I stumbled upon Kelleys videos over a year ago and look forward to watching them. Her words and inspiring and sets a motivational positive tone. This workbook will definitely change your outlook on love and life. Thank you!!!
No. Your own body doesn’t even put out intentions — only your consciousness does. You’re the only one who has intentions, so what takes precedence is what YOU intend for the children, babies, and animals in your reality. Every thought is an intention, so however you think about the other beings in your reality is what you’ll eventually manifest for them. Keep in mind that beliefs are hierarchical, so if you have a high order belief that reality is random and unpredictable and out of your control, then that intention will trump other intentions of which you’re less certain. It’s your entire collection of thoughts that dictates how your reality manifests.
What is the abundant life? First, abundance is spiritual abundance, not material. In fact, God is not overly concerned with the physical circumstances of our lives. He assures us that we need not worry about what we will eat or wear (Matthew 6:25-32; Philippians 4:19). Physical blessings may or may not be part of a God-centered life; neither our wealth nor our poverty is a sure indication of our standing with God. Solomon had all the material blessings available to a man yet found it all to be meaningless (Ecclesiastes 5:10-15). Paul, on the other hand, was content in whatever physical circumstances he found himself (Philippians 4:11-12).

Think of it as a radio signal. As you scan through the radio, in-between stations fight for a signal. Most people are pretty familiar with this experience. The two stations compete and occasionally you’ll hear one song and then parts of a different song start to edge in. You’ll notice that neither station comes in perfectly crisp and clear. In the same manner, when you experience doubt or fear, those thoughts and feelings interrupt and compete with your desires.
There was an inherent truth on this knowledge, unfortunately not everyone who claims to know or understand this truth really does. An based on your original post you investigated in the wrong places. These sources you mentioned were just means to get this current going but they are not definitely the absolute source of truth. Investigate a bit further and try to understand when you find it with an open mind.

The New York Times best-selling author, Sandra Anne Taylor, speaks internationally on the power of consciousness and personal energy. She’s been interviewed for several national magazines, including Cosmopolitan, Family Circle, Redbook, Woman’s World, Today’s Black Woman, and Success magazine in the U.S.; and New Idea in Australia. Her books have been published in 17 languages and dozens of countries throughout the world. Sharon A. Klingler is an internationally renowned medium, speaker, and author whose published works include Intuition & Beyond, Travel into Your Past Lives, and her acclaimed home-study seminar program, Speaking to Spirit. Sharon has been featured in The London Daily Express; Now magazine (Sydney); and Eve magazine (the UK); and she has also appeared on This Morning London; Vision TV, Canada; the BBC; and on major TV and radio shows throughout the world.
Gabriel’s ‘Path of the Heart’ 3-Day Seminar is a fun, interactive and safe space for you to learn how to relate to others in a more conscious, real and heart-directed way. You’ll also learn several Emotional Self-Mastery tools that will help you create a new vision for your life that is in greater alignment with your core values and deepest desires of your heart.

Don’t force yourself to do things that don’t feel good to you, if you really don’t want to do them. So, if you hate going to bars, don’t go every weekend. You want to act from a place of lightness and inspiration when you do act. You don’t want to act from a place of force or fear. There is never anything we must do to attract a certain thing into our life. If taking certain actions makes you feel good in the sense it nurtures a feeling that you will get find this relationship, then go for it. Just don’t get attached to the online dating, the blind dates, and the various outings that will put you in contact with the types of people you hope to meet. Have fun with it.
Affirm your belief in your soulmate. While you’ve already worked hard to combat limiting beliefs and create a clear image of the person you want to be with, you make it easier for the Universe to send that person your way if you constantly stay connected to your belief that they exist. Try daily affirmations (written or spoken) like “I am looking for love, and my soulmate is on their way to me”. Plus, “Nothing will stop me from receiving the love of my soulmate.”
The preparation for welcoming your soul mate requires that you make a conscious commitment to start healing the deepest wounds of your heart. Notice that I said “start” healing the deepest wounds of your heart, because for the majority of us, this is a lifelong process and it doesn’t mean you have to be fully healed to manifest your One.  In fact, one of the things that a soul mate will do is HELP you to heal your deepest emotional wounds, and chances are you’ll be helping them heal their deepest emotional wounds as well.  BUT you must be willing to clear out all of the past hurts, anger, resentments, and anything else that makes up the thick wall of protection and distrust that you have built around your heart so that you can start welcoming love in.
You’ve got to put a roadblock on the sled path. Stop telling the OLD story and start telling the NEW story! The NEW story of how you want it to be. The story of what it’s like to be in the most magical, loving relationship with your Soulmate. Starting now. You’re going to start catching yourself when you’re chatting with friends and the OLD story starts to creep out.  Notice it. Then shift to the NEW story.
Often times what you experience in others are perfect reflections of thy self, in some beautiful (and not so)  way. So it’s important to ask the questions — “What can I learn from this relationship about myself?  What here could even be symbolic about ME?”  Dealing with a bully doesn’t mean you ARE a bully — but might truly be a reflection of a fear you need to work at, (since bully’s are just small and fearful).  So be open to it.  If you experience it, you own it…somehow.

So who is your Soulmate?  What does he or she look like? What are their qualities? What is it that makes them unique and attractive to you? For many of us, this journey towards our Soulmate begins by first experiencing what we do not want. Funny how life works, isn’t it? If you have been, or currently find yourself, in a relationship where you find that things are not flowing, it feels like it’s too much work, you argue and fight a lot, you don’t feel like you are compatible or complement each other, the passion is long gone, you constantly feel anxious about the relationship and you’re struggling to be happy, instead of feeling stronger, supported and inspired you feel weakened, or the person is in another relationship and not available to you, chances are that you’re not with your soulmate.
"You cannot request or manifest a relationship as we desire. There is a beautiful component of wishing, manifesting, etc. that people often forget: free will. One cannot make someone do what they want them to do. ... To manifest a new relationship, one needs to create a list that can easily be fulfilled. A client of mine once made a list of the qualities she wanted in a man, but she listed each request as, 'I want a man who... and a man who... and a man who...' She ended up becoming involved with three different men with each of the qualities requested, not one man with all three qualities. Manifesting can be tricky," Rappaport warns.

The results of using the Law of Attraction techniques are only limited by your imagination (and by the laws of physics, you’re not going to manifest bird-like flying anytime soon). There are endless things you can attract in your life. From practical things — like “good parking karma” to always guarantee you a great parking spot, to “calls to adventure” that open you up to random invitations to explore the world — you can use the principles behind the Law of Attraction in any way you please.
Ever notice how travel magazines show a beautiful destination, maybe a white sand beach and azure blue sky? And, there is always a table and empty chair. Your mind is attracted to the empty chair. It wants you to be there. Goals are the same. The law of attraction is energised by the gap between here and there. So long as it is bridgeable (see tip 21).
When you do find yourself meeting with someone, don’t pin all your hopes on this person being the ‘one.’ You really don’t even know him yet, and you have no idea if this person is really compatible with you, or is the type of person you would want to be with over the long-term. Sure, you can be excited, and look forward to it, but release any expectation around how things will play out. Work on getting yourself into a state of ‘surrender’ where you just accept what happens as it happens, knowing all the while, what you want is coming, even if you have no idea how that looks right now.
My ex and I broke up only because his parents believe that he does not need a relationship with a girl in this time in life. (He just started college). I am so in love with him. We started dating my Senior year, (I am in my second year in college) & ever since that time we started dating, I had this feeling inside my heart that just knew something special was about us. We have been broken up since this summer, and I am trying my best to do everything the LOA teachers express you should do. I have to admit, there are only a select number of days out of the months I’ve been practicing the LOA that I have been completly happy. I believe that I spend alot of focus on missing him, which of course brings more missing him. This week I have found a way to completely be happy, therefore I manifested a message from him. (We are not allowed to communicate with each other so I never know when I will get to talk to him). I asked him during that time if he would fight for us, fight for us to be together and by his actions and words, he pretty much wants us to wait, just like his parents want him to do. This is the whole reason why I am using the LOA to bring him back, so I don’t have to wait. I believe we can all be a happy family right now in this time! Basically my question to you is; Can going by the advice in this article help me with manifesting my one huge burning desire. Considering this involves three people now. Will being okay and happy without him create him back into my life WITH his parent’s approval?

If you want things in your life to get better, focus on the solution, not on the problem. Your thoughts generate the action you take in your life. If your thoughts are soaked in negativity, your action can't be resourceful. Instead of focusing on the elimination of a problem, focus on what you can create instead. Replace worrying with the projection of positive images.

Rhonda Byrne published in 2006 the film The Secret wherein she emphasized thinking about what each person wants to obtain, but also to infuse the thought with the maximum possible amount of emotion. She claims the combination of thought and feeling is what attracts the desire.[27] The Secret says your subconscious mind can control everything that happens around you, including both positive experiences, like having someone call you from miles away, and negative experiences, like death. The Byrne underlines the power of the subconscious mind by asking the reader to take full control of these thoughts, in order to achieve things in life, with the mind, as much as with action. Another similar book is James Redfield's The Celestine Prophecy, which says reality can be manifested by man.[28] Man and the universe have a force of attraction between them similar to a magnetic attraction. The Power of Your Subconscious Mind by Joseph Murphy, says readers can achieve seemingly impossible goals by learning how to bring the mind itself under control. The Power by Rhonda Byrne, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho, and The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle are similar. While personal testimonies claim the secret and the law to have worked for them, a number of skeptics have criticized Rhonda Byrne's film and book. One New York Times book review calls the secret pseudoscience and an "illusion of knowledge".[29]
No. 5: Adapt. Over the years, my business has evolved. First, I was a consultant developing business plans, then I was approached to write a book on business planning, then a column, then I launched an internet company. And, finally, I became a publisher, creating and publishing books and software on planning and growing businesses. To survive you need to be able to embrace change.
Be sure to start this list by stating whether if your Soulmate is single, straight/gay (yes, you must be that specific) and available for a healthy, loving, committed, long-term relationship (or marriage if that is what you want.) Also, be sure to include that he or she lives close enough to you, and/or is willing to relocate if necessary for the two of you to be together. It is very important that you do not get too attached to this list, but rather release it by saying to yourself, “I welcome this, or something better!”

It’s important to correctly define the YOU in subjective reality. YOU are not your physical body. This is not the egoic you at all. I’m not suggesting you’re a conscious body walking around in a world full of unconscious automatons. That would be a total misunderstanding of subjective reality. The correct viewpoint is that you’re the single consciousness in which this entire reality takes place.

I was in a ten year relationship with my child’s father, but he was a cheater. Eventually I started seeing other people years down the line, mind you our relationship was up and down. Long story short I became pregnant with another’s man baby, which was hurtful to the both of us. I still felt a sense of this happening wasn’t all my fault I feel like he played a role as well. I used to beg him to get our relationship back on track for about three years so finally I gave up because of continuous cheating. Well finally last year we I thought we were getting somewhere and boom came to find out the cheating never stopped, well I left again to begin a new relationship which didn’t work out either plus here’s another baby on the way. Finally the guy that I was with for ten years we started seeing each other again during my pregnancy, but the catch is he wants me to give up baby for adoption. We were broken up for seven months and really I feel my child isn’t his business. Nonetheless, for some odd reason I still love and want to be with him, but if he can’t accept the children, then I have to depart from him. How do me and the children attract him for a positive family oriented relationship?


At this point, you may still remain unconvinced that this universal principle — which attracts like to like — still seems interwoven in magic and, therefore, unreal. Perhaps it’s because we’re talking about intangible concepts like thoughts and feelings. At least with gravity, an apple thrown up into the air falls onto the ground. You may not understand it, but you can visibly and immediately experience the effects.

Creating a vision board is easy. Go through magazines or search the internet to find images that represent what you want to attract. It doesn’t matter if the images are metaphorical or literal. The important thing is that the images speak to you and connect with your desires. Attach the images to a board and place it in a prominent place where you will look at it every day.
 I remember a woman with a learning disability who kept talking her way into jobs that she then failed at until she finally rose to prominence in a cosmetics company. Every successful author has gone through a prolonged period of rejection after rejection. Many of the greatest Presidents have failed at previous endeavors or been defeated in previous campaigns. These include Grant, Lincoln and even Washington.
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But the one who really first articulated the Law as general principle was Prentice Mulford. Mulford, a pivotal figure in the development of New Thought thinking, discusses the Law of Attraction at length in, for example, his essay "The Law of Success",[15] published 1886-1887. In this, Mulford was followed by other New Thought authors, such as Henry Wood (starting with his God’s Image in Man,[16] 1892), and Ralph Waldo Trine (starting with his first book, What All the World's A-Seeking,[17] 1896). For these authors, the Law of Attraction is concerned not only about health but every aspect of life.[18][19]
Our doors are open to people from all backgrounds, regardless of where they are on their spiritual journey. If you're new to Abundant Life or are considering joining us for a service, we hope you'll find a place where you are warmly welcomed and feel at home, even if you've never been to church before. At our services, we present the ageless truths of the Bible in a compelling, easy-to-understand format. We also have contemporary worship music and Children's Church and Nursery. 
8) No Support: Since you will always attract what you think about, you need to avoid any type of support groups for people with mental or physical illnesses or for people with similar experiences. Research shows that support groups such as alcoholics anonymous, weight watchers, or breast cancer support are beneficial. The LOA incorrectly predicts that you will make your problems worse.

Nice article, but i have some questions. I like one girl, she is so pretty, she is in my office but in other building. I only see her when office is closed and employees go there home. She was some days ago in my building working but her department shift to other building and she is here that time i just see her and she know that. But i dont have gutts to talk with her. Some time she also see me. But after she left my building the things changed. I also so shy thats why some time she is front of me but i not see her. and I think this thing i done worst. and one more thing i send her friend request thats she not accept from 3 weeks yet but she not decline also (becaouse there is “add as friend” is not shown “request send” msg still there) now she not see me or many times we not saw to each other but like her so much please help me.
Last year, my relationship ended suddenly. In hindsight, I had fears about abandonment and deservability, and I now see that these were limiting beliefs that colored my reality. Over the past year, I have worked on healing myself from the inside out and am incredibly proud of how I have grown. There has been no drama, just a quiet respect that if he felt that he needed space to grow and evolve, I loved him enough to let him go. While contact has been minimal, I still wake up each day with a smile and a heart filled with love and promise. He is with me even though we are apart; and I have hope beyond my current reality that our paths will cross again, and comfort and peace in that certainty.
The concept of manifesting destiny, which rests on the Law of Attraction, is the idea that investing positive energy and belief in any desired outcome will allow a person to bring the outcome to fruition. In other words, you have the power to get what you want simply by believing in it. Sound a little crazy? Maybe. But if people swear by it, it's worth at least exploring, right?
For some people, it seems like the stars repeatedly align, as if they wrote their own destiny. Despite challenges or hiccups, these people come out of even the toughest situations unfazed, blessed in one way or another by what seems like a miracle. How do they do it? And what if you learned there was a secret to cultivating the life you want? It sounds pretty crazy, but the Law of Attraction is something that many people believe in. So what's the deal with all of it, anyway?

Thank you so much for your book. I have read it and used the techniques which have worked so far. I have a few questions…my ex and I broke up back in April. We were in a long distance relationship for about 6-7 months. Really close, basically my best friend. The distance was too hard and she couldn’t do it anymore. We still talked every now and then, flirting and reminiscing and catching up. But here recently she told me she has a boyfriend now. Then about a month later she asks me to go to a concert with her and that I can stay with her at her house, which was something I manifested but she still has a boyfriend. I’ve followed the steps of giving her the cold shoulder and making her miss me but how can I do that when she has a boyfriend? My next next question has to do with thinking. I read my scripted visualization and look at my vision board twice a day. It’s really uplifting. I send out heart energy which has worked because the other day she texted me a picture of a few things I’ve given her and that she could never throw them away. My question is, can thinking about her and all the good times we had and thinking about our future together, can that delay results and should I just stick to doing the scripted visualizations and sending heart energy? Thank you so much!
Just in case I haven’t made my point clearly enough, the attraction process is all about how we feel, so it is really good to get into the feelings that lie behind our desires, as much as we can. Think about what sort of feelings you want in your relationship. Are you after a sense of ease in interacting with this person, without any drama? Do you want someone who shares your same passions and interests? Then, visualize yourself in these encounters.
Joshua Rudolph is an inspirational preacher that ministers every week as part of the Ministry Team at Abundant Life Christian Center. His creative illustrations and comical delivery of the Gospel allow people of all ages to easily receive the messages he preaches. His primary focus is to tell people that God's love is endless, and His grace covers us.
Look. Yes, you should have a vision of what you want your life to look like. I have a very clear vision. But it’s not hanging over my head. It’s in my pocket. Actually, it’s in my phone. And it changes as I change. They are a list of wants and goals but not needs. They do not define me or my worth. My vision acts as a compass. Do I want these things? Fuck yes I want these things. Will I not allow myself to be happy if I don’t obtain them? Nope. Been there, done that. Never again.

It would be impossible to publish research in any respectable peer-reviewed psychology journal that was not up to this high standard with concomitant rigorous statistical analyses. These are the standards in psychology. When someone comes up with a new theory in psychology or any other science, for that theory to be of any use, it has to be able to make predictions and those predictions have to be verifiable. If there is no way to disprove a theory, it can explain everything that happens, yet it doesn't predict anything specific that can be tested, it is considered a poor theory.
trust m god has really been grateful to us by giving us u as our angel to come out of our problem…Elizabeth I m a relationship with a guy for past 4yrs I really love him but he doesn’t…..last yr he broke up with m as I was not in the position to take the breakup I did up many mistake I went down to his place ad created a mess in front of his parents then I started talking to his friend ad he came to know abt it….but after all this he is still talking to me he says he like my company but can’t give m commitment,he has also started ignoring m badly and I want his commitment I want him as my future husband but he is not seeing any kind of future with me I really love I want him back I want to be his miss perfect what should I do plss help m plss suggest something so that he give m commitment plss do reply
You want to ensure you have the members of this support team just a phone call or email away for when you need that extra support. This group is pivotal in your ability to really show up fully in your life and journey towards your soulmate, as it will challenge you to step up to the plate, release any old emotions that are stored in your mind and body, hold you accountable to your commitment, and demand clarity while it offers gentle support when you most need it.
3) The Third List: Your Gifts. The third list is, in my opinion, the most important one. Your soul mate will not be coming into your life to rescue you, make you happy, or save your life.  A soul mate is a friend and partner with whom you’ll be sharing your life.  Someone who will love, nurture and support you while you love, nurture and support them.  Someone who understands the power and beauty of a true soulmate union and will hold the space for love, even when you can’t.

I recently purchased your book and started applying the loa to my relationship. I have been seeing this guy for about 2 months now but we’ve known each other since we were kids…In the beginning he was really into me and passionate, he always found some way to touch me..but a couple of weeks ago all of his affection has stopped and I found out that he still talks to his ex but for court related issues that will be going on until January. Now he seems almost scared to get close to me as if she has threatened him, but I see him everyday and we still kiss goodnight sometimes. He told me hes not completely over her but he never wants to be with her again and that he doesnt want to be in a relationship with anyone for a very long time, but he also says how attracted he is to me and how much he cares for me.


However, I recognize that certain particular accomplishments tend to mean success to most people. These are: finding a job and a career that has status in our society and that brings with it enough financial reward that it is possible to live comfortably. This is the familiar picture of a house with a picket fence. The particular kind of work they will engage in will otherwise vary widely. Part of this success—in the eyes of most people—is a loving family, usually including children--and good friends. And having a place in the community.
Answer: "The Secret" also known as the “law of attraction,” is the idea that because of our connection with a “universal energy force,” our thoughts and feelings have the ability to manipulate this energy force to our liking. According to “The Secret,” our thoughts and feelings attract a corresponding energy to ourselves. If our thoughts are negative, we attract negative things. If our feelings are positive, we attract positive things. The essential message of “The Secret” is that we all have the power to determine our own destiny. We can all create our own reality. Through fully and consistently applying the “law of attraction,” we can be who we want to be and have everything we want to have.
As I am starting to receive many emails regarding this article, realize that I may not be able to answer all of the comments. In addition, if you are close-minded and believe that the LOA exists irrespective of data or information to the contrary, then this article is not for you. Thanks for visiting - now you can go back to your LOA abundance. This article is intended for those who are new to the LOA, those who don't know about it, and those who have not succeeded in using it and are open-minded and looking for answers.
At this point, you may still remain unconvinced that this universal principle — which attracts like to like — still seems interwoven in magic and, therefore, unreal. Perhaps it’s because we’re talking about intangible concepts like thoughts and feelings. At least with gravity, an apple thrown up into the air falls onto the ground. You may not understand it, but you can visibly and immediately experience the effects.
After relocating to the Gulf Coast, his powerful and dynamic speaking ministry began to herald the good news of the Gospel with authority. The gifts of the Spirit through the gifts of healing, faith, miracles, word of knowledge, word of wisdom, and prophecy are experienced in services every week at Abundant Life. Having a strong apostolic anointing, Pastor Hallam is also often referred to as a pastor to pastors.
Some personal questions that you don't have to answer on this site but to think about. Is your house paid off? If you have children, are all of their college tuitions completely paid for? Are you still working at a job? If so, is that because you'd rather be working there than on a long vacation to your favorite places? Are you driving a brand new (fill in the name of your favorite car here)? Are all your hopes, dreams, and wishes coming true?
Let me say what I mean by success: success is the ability of individuals to reach their own goals and achieve their own purposes. I do not mean goals such as becoming a movie star, or winning the Nobel Prize in literature or becoming the President of the United States. Or simply making more money than everybody else. By that standard virtually no one is successful. But I think it is possible for these individuals and others to find in other ways those satisfactions that are associated with those lofty achievements, namely, recognition, admiration and a sense of importance.
It’s difficult to free yourself completely from doubt, fear or feeling as though you don’t deserve something. Your instinct might try to combat those feelings using negative thoughts like, “Don’t be afraid” or even direct conflicts like, “You deserve this.” Unfortunately, such methods are ineffective and simply don’t work because they reinforce negative thoughts and feelings.
After my first book was published in 2000, I spent two and a half years writing a novel. But it never felt right. I didn't even name it—it was the poor, misshapen beast child I kept hidden under my bed. Then I showed it to my agent. "None of the things you do well are in evidence here," she said. I was devastated, then relieved: I had failed, and now I could stop. If you don't feel a shiver of excitement or fear, if there's no emotional risk involved, let it go. You can't discount how hard it will be to leave your bad marriage or stop writing your bad book, but if you're unhappy, nothing can get better as long as the status quo stays the status quo.