Shelly Bullard, MFT is a Marriage and Family Therapist, Love Coach and Spiritual Teacher. She's the author of the eBook: How to Become the Most Attractive Version of Yourself which she offers for FREE (click here to receive your free copy). She's also the instructor of the popular mbg courses: How To Become The Most Attractive Version of Yourself & How to Attract a Partner Who's Ready for Deep, Devoted Love. Shelly believes that when you access the experience of Love within yourself, your relationships become deeply fulfilling and you become the person you’re meant to be. She was named the “Love Guru” as one of the 100 Women to Watch in Wellness by mindbodygreen, and her deepest passion is living and practicing love and relationships as a spiritual path. To learn more about how she can help you create more love in your life, visit her at: shellybullard.com.
The financial newspaper Investors Business Daily (IBD) asked these same questions a few years ago and started a multi-year search for the answer. They studied industry leaders, investors and entrepreneurs to understand the traits they all had in common that contributed to their success. Reproduced here is their list of 10 Secrets to Success along with my commentary on each no-so-secret, ‘secret’.
Learning how to connect with yourself has a lot to do with tuning into your own need. Consequently, then meeting those needs. When you make a habit of this, you’re much more able to attract love with someone who will nurture you. One way to ensure you take better care of yourself while you’re looking for love is to set aside an hour a day where you commit to pursuing a hobby you love! This should be no matter what other, more “productive” things you could be doing.
Since the Law of Attraction teaches that like attracts like, it shouldn’t come as too much of a surprise that attracting love requires you to be a loving person! And it’s not only the romantic sense of love that matters here. There are little things that you can do to spread love every single day—one of the best examples is simply being nicer to strangers.
We already know that the Law of Attraction can be used effectively… and the positive impact that embracing the law and replacing all negative emotions with positive mind-affirmations can have on what you see in your life. However, there are several common traps that people can fall into when they are trying to apply the rules of attraction to their love lives.

As I am starting to receive many emails regarding this article, realize that I may not be able to answer all of the comments. In addition, if you are close-minded and believe that the LOA exists irrespective of data or information to the contrary, then this article is not for you. Thanks for visiting - now you can go back to your LOA abundance. This article is intended for those who are new to the LOA, those who don't know about it, and those who have not succeeded in using it and are open-minded and looking for answers.
6) No Challenges: Challenges are considered negative thoughts and are to be avoided. Besides, if you’ve theoretically already achieved your goal, there could not be any challenges. As Esther Hicks, has stated, “Once you have recognized that thinking of what you do not want only attracts more of what you do not want into your experience, controlling your thoughts will not be a difficult thing…” There are many goal-achieving benefits to acknowledging and planning for challenges that may arise. Unfortunately, a belief in a law of attraction does not allow for you to accomplish this.

Look. Yes, you should have a vision of what you want your life to look like. I have a very clear vision. But it’s not hanging over my head. It’s in my pocket. Actually, it’s in my phone. And it changes as I change. They are a list of wants and goals but not needs. They do not define me or my worth. My vision acts as a compass. Do I want these things? Fuck yes I want these things. Will I not allow myself to be happy if I don’t obtain them? Nope. Been there, done that. Never again.


By implementing daily positive practices in our lives, we will shift and raise our energetic vibration so that we can manifest from a place of calm, inspired action yielding faster results. If you get into the habit of using tools that will insert empowering and positive thoughts into your mind, you'll be poised to produce good experiences and results!
Well lately I have been looking at this LOA and I would love to try it. I have been very unfortunate with love and relationships for about a year now. It seem like everytime I get close with a guy, he leaves with no explanation. I get really attached and it hurts soo bad when they leave. And with this last guy I was with I have been having negative thoughts saying things like, “oh he wont stay”, and “What if he leaves like the rest?” Well it happened , but here’s the thing, I don’t know if it could be because of the negative thoughts or his ex. Let me explain what I mean. Well me and this guy that I would never thought I would have feelings for start becoming really good friends. He was attracted to me, but couldn’t date me because he was already in a relationship with his girlfriend of almost 2 years. A month later she have been talking to him about breaking up and finally she did. Then me and him start getting close. Everything was going great until his ex wanted to come back. Well he let her and now I’m left in the cold once again. I strongly believe the only reason she’s back in his life is because she found out about me and got upset. I don’t think she love him like she say she do, but I don’t know. I do see us being a great couple, but how can I get the LOA to work for me and him and she’s in the way?
While affirmations and visualizations are two of the most important tools at your disposal when working with the Law of Attraction, they are far from the only techniques that you can use to create the life you desire. For example, there are Law of Attraction exercises that specifically target negative feelings and help you work on dismissing them, and ways of stopping self-undermining thoughts before they can emerge and take hold. Meanwhile, there are ways to transform your living space to better reflect your goals and to inspire an optimistic mind set, and social methods that enhance your communication and help you to spread positivity wherever you go.
11) Blame the Victim:  The only reason that anything bad could ever happen to you is because you were thinking bad thoughts. If someone rear-ends you in a car – 100% your fault. If you get breast cancer – 100% your fault (not genetics). If you get raped or abused – 100% your fault. Children getting killed by terrorists, sick babies in the intensive care unit, victims of floods, hurricanes, natural disasters, the Holocaust – yes, their fault. We all know deep inside that this is ridiculous to even suggest. However, it is a basic, fundamental premise of the LOA. You NEVER attract something you are not thinking about. When anything bad happens to anyone, they are to blame. Don’t feel sorry for anyone who has cancer or a disease or starving children in poverty, they brought it on themselves. What causes obesity? Slow metabolism? No, fat thoughts.  From LOA experts, “Disease cannot live in a body that’s in a healthy emotional state.” (Bob Proctor).  “You cannot catch anything unless you think you can, and thinking you can is inviting it to you with your thought.” (From The Secret). “Good thoughts and actions can never produce bad results; bad thoughts and actions can never produce good results. Suffering is always the effect of wrong thought in some direction.” (James Allen). “If man will think only thoughts of perfect health, he can cause within himself the functioning of perfect health…” (Wallace Wattles). “Every individual creates every aspect of their experiences – we are in complete control of our health throughout our entire lives. There are no accidents.” (Esther Hicks).
Hi Shona, If you want to successfully use the Law of Attraction for love for a specific person, you need to overcome your fear. Your thoughts and emotions create, so if you continue to be afraid, you will create the things that you fear – his cheating, his not wanting to commit, etc. Sometimes the easiest way to overcome fear is to think about the worst thing that would happen if things didn’t go the way you want them. Often, that worst fear isn’t all that bad, and it’s easy to then let the fear go. Other times, it might be necessary to use tapping or EFT to get rid of the fear.
"We've seen this in misclassifying hate speech in political debates in both directions — taking down accounts and content that should be left up and leaving up content that was hateful and should be taken down," says Zuckerberg on his Facebook account. "This has been painful for me, because I often agree with those criticizing us that we're making mistakes."
In the short term, the cigarette smoker cannot bear to quit because the pain of withdrawal and detox from cigarettes is just too high to bear. Similarly, the cravings that a person might feel who’s overweight and needs to be dieting, which eventually turn into physical withdrawals from things like fat, sugar, and carbohydrates, bring on an intense amount of pain in the short term.
Think about the strengths and energies that make you unique. When you were a child you thought to yourself “Wow, I am ME. Nobody else is me or can feel the feelings I feel. They’re mine alone. This energy is uniquely my energy.” Then, of course, the world trained you out of this way of seeing things. You wanted to be the same as everyone else (or at least, they wanted you to be the same). Breaking free and removing failure from your vocabulary allows you to follow your bliss with ease.
Neil, I have never heard a so called "doctor" speak so unprofessionally. I'm sure you are aware of the certain psychology that enables some people to make certain remarks behind the safety of their computer? If not, you would do well to look it up. It is evident that you are feeling defensive enough about this subject to make such immature comments, very telling indeed.
5) Affirmations (pgs. 241-242) and Focused Intentions (pgs. 244-245): There are fifty powerful and healing affirmations to choose from for incorporating them into all types of lifestyles. My current favorite two affirmations are: 1) I value my life and myself more and more each day. My second favorite affirmation from the listing currently is: I always take responsibility for my own happiness. I find many wonderful things to be happy about each day. The focused intentions (fifteen great ones to choose from) also resonated with me because I agree with the viewpoint of the authors that they are helpful in increasing your personal power. My favorite intention is #1 (on page 244) which is: I am learning to walk the path of peaceful pursuit. I always take joyous action towards my goals, all the while releasing attachment to the outcome. I create a happy life now and draw more and more happiness to me.
I was seeing this really great guy for a couple of months. Things were fantastic between us, but he just got out of a 4 year relationship a few months ago and apparently it was a messy end- she basically picked her career over him and moved to a different state. We decided that the best thing to do right now is for us to just be friends because he said that if he is going to be with me he wants to be there 100% and not have her pop up in his mind all the time. I totally understand this, and really did sense it… is it possible that I manifested this? When I first found this out about his ex it was always in the back of my mind… like he’s just not over her. I kept thinking that. Is it possible that I made this happen myself with my negative thoughts about it? And if so, can I use the LOA to turn it around, help him get over her faster and come back to me? Thank you in advance for your help.
If you are constantly worried about bad things happening, or negative outcomes, then you are using the law of attraction against yourself. To worry is really to apply most of the above steps, towards a negative outcome. You are visualizing the negative outcome and asking the universe for it with pictures of the negative outcome; you are feeling the feelings of the negative outcome. Stop worrying and follow step seven above.
Besides, luck, being in the right place at the right time often makes a big difference – which is why you should be willing to try and try again, learning how to endure failure. That’s the third secret of success, according to Scott Adams, author of How to Fail at Almost Everything And Still Win Big. “There is plenty of luck to go around; you just need to keep your hand raised until it’s your turn,” argues Adams. “If you drill down into any success story, you always discover that luck was a huge part of it. You cannot control luck, but you can move from a game with bad odds to one with better odds. You can make it easier for luck to find you. The most useful thing you can do is stay in the game. If your current get-rich project fails, take what you learned and try something else. Keep repeating until something lucky happens.”
I have some questions about letting go of resistance. Looking back, I could finally let go of resistance by going on lots of dates and making myself exhausted, get sick and tired of trying to find the right guy. And after that moment, I could finally surrender and manifest guys that I actually wanted to be with. So maybe it could be one of the ways that people can let go of resistance? Is this the hard way?
The preparation for welcoming your soul mate requires that you make a conscious commitment to start healing the deepest wounds of your heart. Notice that I said “start” healing the deepest wounds of your heart, because for the majority of us, this is a lifelong process and it doesn’t mean you have to be fully healed to manifest your One.  In fact, one of the things that a soul mate will do is HELP you to heal your deepest emotional wounds, and chances are you’ll be helping them heal their deepest emotional wounds as well.  BUT you must be willing to clear out all of the past hurts, anger, resentments, and anything else that makes up the thick wall of protection and distrust that you have built around your heart so that you can start welcoming love in.
At the end of the experiment, those who imagined they were physically younger showed signs of de-aging. Blood pressure was lowered, arthritis was diminished and even eyesight and hearing in this control group improved. By simply imagining themselves younger, some physical aging was actually reversed. Their thoughts and imagination made this happen.
The process of attraction happens at the level of what we feel and believe, and when you don’t set standards and boundaries, this shows you don’t feel very good about yourself, and that you have a lot of crappy beliefs that essentially amount to not feeling good enough, and not being deserving of the best life has to offer. These types of beliefs can mess with various aspects of our life, but can be particularly problematic in the love department. And guess what types of people and situations we attract when we feel this way? Shitty, shitty, shitty ones.
Okay, coming from me, those words might not have the same impact. But, what if I told you that this information comes directly from two of the best salespeople on the planet? As a student of self-improvement, I've followed many of the world's most sought-after purveyors of success. Anthony Robbins, for one. He's definitely my hero. But, so is Zig Ziglar.
The preparation for welcoming your soul mate requires that you make a conscious commitment to start healing the deepest wounds of your heart. Notice that I said “start” healing the deepest wounds of your heart, because for the majority of us, this is a lifelong process and it doesn’t mean you have to be fully healed to manifest your One.  In fact, one of the things that a soul mate will do is HELP you to heal your deepest emotional wounds, and chances are you’ll be helping them heal their deepest emotional wounds as well.  BUT you must be willing to clear out all of the past hurts, anger, resentments, and anything else that makes up the thick wall of protection and distrust that you have built around your heart so that you can start welcoming love in.
Writing your goals will not only help you get clear, but will help you create inspired action steps toward your dreams. Connecting to your "why" means connecting to the feeling that achieving the goal will give you. When we connect to the "why," we raise our vibration and become magnets for attracting the people, circumstances, etc. that will help us achieve our goal.
While being battered always hurts, an important survival mechanism I’ve acquired over the years is to both thrive on rejections and hold on to compliments. Rejection enrages me, but that “I’ll show you!” feeling is an extremely powerful motivator. I’m at a point where I’m afraid that if I lose it I’ll stop working. On the flip side, there’s nothing like a meaningful compliment from someone you respect.
And then, sometimes I think that the current relationship will eventually end in some way if the person working consciously with LOA makes such dramatic shifts that she and her current partner are just too far away from each other vibrationally. This could definitely happen without your ending it specifically–the other person could end it, it could be mutual and amicable, something could happen that creates a large rift and you both can’t see a way to move past it, or you may decide to end it and it won’t feel as scary as it may currently because you just know it is the right thing to do. I don’t think being unhappy with a relationship as it currently is now is an absolute sign that it is not right..ultimately, it depends on so many individual factors, and as the person doing the LOA work gets deeper and more in touch with what is happening, she will have a sense of what she really wants and how she thinks it will play out. It does take a degree of honesty that can feel a bit uncomfortable, but necessary.
Be like a kid who allows no impossibility to enter her manifesting realm. "Feeling" helps us release any doubt and negative energy. It generates excitement and positive feelings, which support us to take inspired action! So go test drive that car you want, or feel what it will be like to have the perfect partner in your life, because feeling is believing!
In all areas of your life, career, relationships, health. You don’t have to have a crystal clear picture. But without a vision, it’s difficult to create anything. You’ll just be throwing paint at the wall instead of creating a work of art. See this visual often but don’t tie it to your happiness. It’s there. It’s waiting. But it’s doesn’t determine your happiness today.
Loved your kindle book! It’s given me hope and most importantly a sense of serenity which I haven’t had since my breakup I’m afraid. Moving on is never as easy as one thinks. People tell you to go out with friends, have fun etc…But how does one go out and “have fun” when all restaurants, bars, lounges, clubs or car radios play music and music is the last thing you even want to listen to when your heart is breaking in a million pieces. So that alone, prevents one from moving on peacefully. But your book…I don’t know, just gives one hope. It is easier (at least for me) to “let go” knowing that getting back with the love of my life is possible. Frankly, moving on with hope, regardless of the result, is so much healthier than without it. So for that alone thanks! Now my question :))… I haven’t see my ex for the past two months. He’s very very reluctant to speak to me, and the very limited email exchanges we have had since the breakup have been cold (on his end) at best, though he does reply everytime. I know he is hurt and dealing with it in his won male way I guess…We are thousands of miles away from each other and I want to manfiest spending christmas together. Is is advisable to manifest a certain date? Does that give it more power, or takes away from manifestation? I dont’ want to be obsessive about it, I want to be easy about it, but I must say that this Xmas was supposed to be special for us and I would love for that to be the case eventough it is around the corner. It just seems that manifesting an ex back is almost more difficult than manifesting a specific person you know but have never had a relationship with…Probably because of all the baggage and history. So anyway I just wanted to know if a specific date is ok? Thank you so much :))
Further, visual affirmations are useful ways of reminding yourself to stay connected to positive thoughts throughout the day. A sticky note on the bathroom cabinet, the fridge or the front door can keep you in check if your confidence is wavering, and a “dream board” can be designed to represent your desires and aims in pictorial form. We’ll explain a wide range of ways in which you can use affirmations and teach you how to design them to accurately reflect your underlying goals.
Thanks for your comments. Since you obviously have advanced knowledge on how to use a law of attraction, I assume that you have achieved all of your goals and fulfilled all of your dreams. Now you are a very rich millionaire trying to help the rest of us. Actually, you wouldn't be doing that because as LOA founder Wallace Wattles said "do not talk about poverty...do not spend your time in charitable work,...all charity only tends to perpetuate the wretchedness it aims to eradicate."
It could also mean that a particular area of your life might need your attention, such as your career, finances, health, raising children, or that simply, your time is just not ripe for love yet. Whatever the timing might be, what I know for sure is that the time you invest in getting ready for your soulmate is an opportunity to continue to work on yourself, and remove all of the mental and emotional blocks that are keeping you from love. It is the perfect time to get to know yourself fully and deeply and get ready for love.
From this knowledge, it can be stated that your entire “reality” is all within your head. There is nothing “out there” even though it seems like it. It’s the case of the popular question, “if a tree falls in a forest and nobody’s there to hear it, does it make a sound?” The idea is that you cannot experience your reality without actively perceiving it and this is the fundamental basis of the Law of Attraction.

What is the abundant life? First, abundance is spiritual abundance, not material. In fact, God is not overly concerned with the physical circumstances of our lives. He assures us that we need not worry about what we will eat or wear (Matthew 6:25-32; Philippians 4:19). Physical blessings may or may not be part of a God-centered life; neither our wealth nor our poverty is a sure indication of our standing with God. Solomon had all the material blessings available to a man yet found it all to be meaningless (Ecclesiastes 5:10-15). Paul, on the other hand, was content in whatever physical circumstances he found himself (Philippians 4:11-12).
It could also mean that a particular area of your life might need your attention, such as your career, finances, health, raising children, or that simply, your time is just not ripe for love yet. Whatever the timing might be, what I know for sure is that the time you invest in getting ready for your soulmate is an opportunity to continue to work on yourself, and remove all of the mental and emotional blocks that are keeping you from love. It is the perfect time to get to know yourself fully and deeply and get ready for love.
The Law of Attraction can be understood by understanding that ‘like attracts like'. What this means is that whether we realize it or not, we are responsible for bringing both positive and negative influences into our lives. A key part of the Law of Attraction is understanding that where you place your focus can have an intense impact on what happens to you. If you spend your days wallowing in regrets about the past or fears of the future, you’ll likely see more negativity appearing, but if you look for the silver lining in every experience then you’ll soon start to see positivity surrounding you every day. Therefore, the Law of Attraction encourages you to see that you have the freedom to take control of how your future develops, shaping it in the ways you choose.
The journey of welcoming your Soulmate is a journey towards your authentic nature.  It’s not a journey of finding somebody who is going to love you, make you happy, or give you something that you don’t already have, but rather it is a journey of growing yourself and your own capacity to love yourself first before you can love others or welcome and recognize their love.  It is about becoming more yourself, doing all the necessary clearing out, and embracing all the darker, subtle, shadow aspects of yourself that you’ve been unwilling to look at.
1) Continue to send out a Soul Call and hold your intention to welcome your Soulmate into your heart.  Connect with your Soulmate at the inner level by visualizing and feeling him/her as if he or she is already in your life.  You can do this by buying them a card, or setting a place for them at your dinner table.  You can also buy a soulmate ring, as a symbol of you holding a special place in your heart for your One.  You may also want to listen to my ‘Soul Call’ guided meditation, especially when you’re feeling disconnected or negative about your love life.
How does a Soul Call work? Well, remember that everything in the Universe is first created on the inner plane of ideas and emotions before it materializes. There’s plenty of scientific research that has proven that people who are thousands of miles away can actually affect each other’s heartbeat and capacity to experience love simply by thinking loving thoughts about each other.
How many times have you heard somebody claim they know ‘the secret of success’ only to find out somebody else has another secret completely different from the last secret you heard?! Which secret is right?! Who knows THE REAL secret?! … is there ‘a real’ secret?! If so, just how many secrets are out there?! But most importantly, who’s secret advice do we follow to ensure our personal success??
When we decide that what we want must come in a certain way–like wanting the relationship to be with a specific person for example–that is trying to control the ‘how’ and this can create blocks that prevent what we want from coming in. So long as you hold that intention to let love in, and you are working on your energy, you will attract things that give you these same feelings–it may be him, or it may be someone else. But the bottom line is that it will feel good, and you will be happy. When we are still attached to a specific person, it is easy to think that only they can give us these feelings, and someone else wouldn’t be as good. So, I would say keep doing what you are doing, but don’t put too much focus on trying to attract a specific person.
"It's nothing specific that you're going to do. It's more about the energy underneath the doing that's going to then become magnetic, or become something that then attracts someone specific into your life. Knowing that, this is my saying I say all the time, or it's a very common saying, but you don't attract what you want, but you attract who you are. This also works for relationships. The first part I want to give to you is understanding how we must be in our own movie. Any time we're asking this question, we're automatically coming from the frame of us trying to become a part of someone else's movie, especially if it's someone specific. The idea is that we are putting this person on a pedestal, and we're doing everything we can to get them into our life. We're trying to get into their reality, into their movie, and bring them into ours.
While there are likely dozens, if not hundreds, of secrets to success, these five are crucial. Harrington says that if you follow these, you can navigate your way to success in the long term. Not in the short term. Remember, this is about consistency in your approach. It's not about faltering or giving up or making excuses. It's about staying on the straight and narrow.
Just like the good old tracks that the sled follows down the mountain. And so we tell the same old story, over and over, about why we have our childhood wounds, and about how bad our previous relationship was, how we got dumped, how we’re not being loved the way we want to be, how unequal this relationship is, how we have these abandonment issues, how they cheated on us, how we’re too old to find love, too fat, too skinny, too white, too black, too gay, too straight, too poor, too rich, too unstable, too unreliable, afraid of commitment, too demanding… Blah, blah, blah. PLEASE STOP! The more you tell the same old story, the more you’re perpetuating it in your experience and the more you’re blocking love from coming into your life. Why?  Because you keep focusing on it.
Physical compatibility in a relationship need not always mean love. There are many versions of love, and romance and lust are two basic ones. True love includes commitment, trust, respect and contentment. If these things lack in a relationship, it is definitely not love. A lot of people justify physical violence with passion. Passion in a relationship is definitely a natural phenomenon, but there’s a thin line between being passionate and violent. If you find your partner being too harsh on you, both physically and emotionally, then it’s not love.
It’s quite clear then that in order to succeed in life at any endeavor, we need to set specific goals. But, not only do they have to be specific, they have to be S.M.A.R.T.E.R. goals — goals that are specific, meaningful, achievable, relevant, and time-based. Those goals also need to be constantly evaluated and the plans re-adjusted in order to attain them.
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