Your experience is a common one with manifesting, regardless of the desire. We do all this work, inner and outer, we don’t get the results we want, we get super-pissed, say f$ck it, and give up. Then usually some good stuff comes in from the positive momentum that has been built up, now that the massive resistance has diminished. Now, while doing a lot of stuff that makes us feel badly, or taking a lot of action for a long time without results, usually leads us to a point where we surrender, it is not the best approach to take because it isn’t necessary. It’s not something you want to consciously do. You don’t want to force yourself into surrender. You can take action if you feel compelled, but just make sure it feels good, and you don’t get attached to those channels as being the way that person must come to you.
How is that one person is willing to do all that it takes to reach their goals, while another person gives in to silent resignation at the first sign of resistance? Why is one person willing to sacrifice nearly everything in order to live the life of their dreams, while others are too afraid to take the next step in fear of suffering through a catastrophic failure or embarrassment?